For those of you who anticipate gaining 10 pounds this holiday season, may I recommend a little piece of heaven called Wonderland Bakery in Newport Beach & coming soon to Costa Mesa in South Coast Plaza Crystal Court.
I swear to you fairies come to this place in the middle of the night and sprinkle pixie dust all over the place...it's crazy!

I wondered if I should share this for fear of people thinking we are a strang family. Well, we are a strange family so I might as well come out with it.

Jagger is only 6 so needless to say I hear "Mom! Look what I can do!" quite often.
Tonight when I turn to see what Jag's new found talent is, I see that he is licking his own nipple.

I think he's ready for USC now.

So the boys are back in school and both of them have an "All About Me" project. They both have to bring things that represent their hobbies, pictures of family etc. We begin digging through the photo boxes and the emotions begin to pour over me. What happened to my little babies? Stephen is about 2 inches taller than me now and Jagger is reading books to me now!
Jagger pics a good family picture for his bag which has the kids in front and Mommy and Daddy in the back with our arms around the younguns. It's a great family picture...a post card really.
STEPHEN on the other hand wants a picture of me PREGNANT...I MEAN READY TO EXPLODE. We aren't talking the cute "oh look how she's glowing" picture...NO NO NO...I AM AS BIG AS A HOUSE WITH THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR OPEN LOOKING FOR ANYTHING TO DEVOUR! Not only that, but I am leaning against the kitchen counter and my stomach is practically resting on a shelf in the fridge...THAT'S HOW BIG I AM!
I begged him to put in a different picture. I really push for a head shot, but Stephen thinks that picture is hysterical so my alternate choice is quickly vetoed.
I will never help that kid with his homework again!

I am a terrible friend! Now that that is out in the open I feel the need to explain.
I have a great female friend we will call "friend X" who always comes to mind when I meet a nice single guy. She wants to date but she works a lot. She probably works a lot because she doesn't date so she might as well work. As you can see this is a vicious cycle which can only be broken by kidnapping my "friend X" and forcing her into a date against her will. I know I don't sound like a bad friend yet but don't worry, it's coming.
An old friend of ours we will call "friend Y" talks to my husband a lot and recently my husband broke the sad news to me that "friend Y" had been dumped by his girlfriend. I felt bad for "friend Y" and told Josh to have him come hang out over the weekend. The empathy quickly faded as I began to think how "friend X" & "friend Y" need to go out! I could hear Fiddler On The Roof playing in my head and everything (match maker, match maker, make me a match...).
Let this be a warning to all you who come to me for sympathy over a breakup. Yes I will listen and I will genuinly feel bad for you, but I will also think about if not try to set you up. I can't control myself!

So my day begins as every other...I stick my nose near Jagger's mouth to make sure he brushed his teeth...I remind Stephen he only gets $5 for lunches for the week (Why he doesn't pocket the $5 and pack a lunch is beyond me). I drop Jag off at school and then enjoy listening to anything I want on the radio for about 20 minutes.

Every radio station has a commercial so I change it to KFI 640 "more stimulating talk radio" and to my surprise I hear that AIG is in trouble. For those of you who don't know, AIG is like the largest company in El Mundo and I have placed many of my affluent clients insurance portfolio with AIG. Apparently affluent people like to read such things as The Wall Street Journal (notice my sarcastic tone).

I get to my desk, see the message light flashing and know immediately that I am in for a lot of work talking people off a ledge. My conversations are filled with words like "surplus", "reserves", "solvent", "capacity" blah blah blah. I almost pass for a financial genius by the end of the conversation!

I come to realize that my clients truly respect my opinion and trust me. My entire business is based upon protecting ones assets from a personal law suite and so far I have not had one client have to pay for a claim out of pocket because they didn't have enough insurance to protect them from the great unknown.

I've also realized that these high powered (so they think) business men & women place their entire value on what Wall Street says they are worth. Even though these people may have $20,000,000 in property alone, they still flip out over money. In fact, they flip out worse that I ever would!

I don't try to buy love or happiness because I usually only have enough money to buy gas and groceries.

HOLLA!

I have a bit of an "anal" side, as most women do. I load the dishwasher in a particular fashion like most women and recently my husband, out of the kindness of his heart, has decided he is not above loading the dishwasher (he once thought he was above doing dishes but he realized happy wife = happy life).

In my "crazy" world the bowls and cups face down so you don't end up with cups & bowls full of the same food or beverage item you are trying to clean and now dirty water also. I also prefer not to fill the dishwasher so full that there are stretch marks on the door when you close it. This is just my "crazy" opinion.

I have allowed the dishwasher chaos to continue for a few weeks because if you complain about the job done, you'll be back to doing it yourself. I learned from my younger brother who used to say "If I do a crappy job then Mom won't ask me to do it again". Boys are more clever than we give them credit for.

For now I'm willing to let the job be done wrong than to go back to doing the dishes myself.

We'll see how long this lasts...

It's the first day back to school. I remeber the feeling so very well. For all the teacher knew I was a good child and I would listen to his or her every word. Every year I would think to myself..."This is the year I would learn to shut up, sit down and kiss butt like the rest of the class". Then I would find myself letting those funny things in my mind escape my mouth and there I was...taping 3 pencils together to write "I will not talk in class" 100 times...then 500 times...then 1000 times...you get the picture.
Now I have a talker of my own. Stephen will have a lucrative career as a comedian, of that I am sure! I remember him telling me at the age of 4 how he wanted to be a comedian or a bar tender. It's not my proudest moment as a parent but you can't deny that it's funny. I just kept telling myself that he didn't know what a bar was, but given the fact that I watched Cheers on T.V. whenever possible, I kinda think he knew what a bar was and what bar tenders do. Combine that with the fact that Stephen knew the entire Titanic sound track by the age of 4, you can't help but feel like a failure as a parent!
So now we are embarking on another year of possibilities. A new start and hopes that we will be detention free the entire year.
My worst fear is that the poor kid will end up an insurance agent like his mother! UGH!